Ok Ok …..I confess I failed my personal challenge of no booze for October … the Stoptober challenge.
Its been at the back of my mind …niggling at me and slowly crawling to the front when all I’ve done is think about it … failing … and when I let it in all the other things I’ve failed at come flooding into my thoughts. At the risk then of disappearing into a slump of depression …I have got to fight it.
How ?? What can I do ??
Well for me … I keep busy, occupying my mind with good stuff so not to let my failings pull me down.
So this Saturday night with a glass of prosecco (sorry) I’m planning what to do this coming week. 3 days next week are easy as I’m working, doing 12hr shifts gives you little time to think of anything else during that day. The rest of the week I will plan a mix of chores, pleasurable projects and some meet ups with family, this will be done hour by hour fitting in meal times and setting alarms and bed times etc. If there’s one thing I have learnt when handling my depression its that I need routine.
I will include creative projects such as time outside in my garden or a sewing session, there’s nothing better at the end of the day and seeing something that you have achieved or produced. As well as those boring household chores to keep up to date with like washing ironing dusting vacuuming the list is endless when you think about it. We are in the middle of decorating both the kitchen and living room so I can do stuff towards completing that. Hoping to get it all done by Christmas 🙂
A couple of meet ups with family have already been arranged which is great as it also gives me something to look forward too. Very excited about Wednesday evening as I’m meeting up with my 2 sisters and mum for a meal and then going on to the theatre to watch ”The Motown story’. Yep this will include eating something not good but i’m hoping with wise choices and accounting for it the rest of the week that the damage will be minimal. Also got an afternoon planned with my daughter well actually I’m playing taxi but that’s fine I might get a coffee out of it too.
Something else I need to do is start feeling healthier and better about myself so I’m going to bite the bullet and for the 3rd time enrol with slimming world …. yes I know what I shouldn’t be eating and what I should, but there’s something about the weigh in that makes you stick to plan. Meal planning, preparation and shopping, will have to be taken into account too, cooking up some meals for work when on my days off.
So ok I may have failed Stoptober but sometimes you have to fail something …. to then get up from it. I may even come back better than I would have done.
Lastly to all those that pledged to give up something for Stoptober ..well done not long now xx
Ruby Rose my gorgeous granddaughter and my 2nd granddaughter in the making due in Feb ’18 both reasons to stay sane xx
Well how things are changing in the last few months i’ve gone from being an ”at home mum” to working full-time night shifts then very recently transferred to-day shifts and even looking into a return to nursing course which will enable me to practise as a registered nurse again.
How do i feel about all this….. loving the job the care home is of very high standard and we are all developing a great friendship between us staff and with the residents. Physically i’m finding things a little hard going at times and get very tired aswell as the aches and pains of age i suppose. Mentally i’ve become so much more confident and can see a very clear future, not even considered reducing or stopping my antidepressants as i’m enjoying everything at the moment and don’t really want it spoilt.
Even though i’m working full-time its done in 3 shifts so i get some nice time off, which has enabled us to take on another ambition of ours and that’s having an allotment, we love it and so far with this gorgeous weather managing to spend every spare minute there. Its so peaceful which is very surprising as it hidden on a small site in the middle of a housing estate.
Sadly not everything is peachy … my eldest son has decided he really wants his own place and sort of put himself into the care system, it makes me sad that he feels like this but if it’s what he wants then i can only support him where and when i can. I think back now and i suppose i’ve been very lucky up until now not to have not needed much outside help. After leaving an abusive controlling ex (sons dad) then going into another relationship with step children we’ve got away quite lightly.
I do feel everything is good and will work out for the best for all of us, change can be difficult but soon becomes the norm 🙂
Just going to end this post here as i’m eager to do a separate post on updating my allotment 🙂
After a few training days i became very worried that i’d made the wrong decision in going back to work more so nursing.
But after completing my first 12hr night shift this confirmed i should have come back to nursing many years ago and i don’t think being a carer will be enough for too long. In time and hopefully with support from my new employer i hope to complete a back to nursing course which will enable me to re.register and use the Registered General Nursing course that i completed pre.children.
Being a very new venture we were very lucky to only have 4 residents 1 of which was self caring 🙂 this enabled us to get to know each of them a little better than if there was a full unit.
Thankfully i never have a problem sleeping anytime of day so a lie in the morning before shift and a sleep in the day after was easy. 🙂
I can already feel my confidence growing and enthusiasm running up a close 2nd. I’ve found myself making more of my free time and fully intend to do a lot more once i’ve been paid.
A headache that i have found is that since all the benefit reforms there is very little help adjusting from weekly benefits to monthly pay. Aaawwww well we’ll all have to learn to like baked beans 🙂
My next and 2nd shift is tomorrow night so today with hubbs, we took the ‘girls’ for a lovely walk through the woods and fields of Crickley Hill. The sun was warm and view was gorgeously clear. Whilst going through the wooded area we spotted these fungi which i could have photographed for ages but the ‘girls’ get bored waiting.
After nearly 15yrs of being a ‘at home mum’ it looks like i’m going back to work full-time. It all seems to be fate, the job is just perfect for me to go back to after so long. I’m going to be a care assistant in a brand new built care home run by a none profit-making charity called ‘the order of st john’, elderly care has come on leaps and bounds since i did my 3 month stint during my training.
I hope in time i can also re.instate my Registered General Nurse qualification too.
Its funny i’m very excited but quite nervous at the same time 🙂
Obviously its going to mean big changes in our family dynamic’s, i will expect my 2 sons to step up and help a little more around the house, seeing as they are nearly grown adults now i don’t think it will hurt them.
I will miss my hubbs terribly, i’m so used to being with him all the time and then of course theres my 3 ‘girls’ (cavalier king charles spaniels) they will miss me loads, but i promise to make it up to them all on my days off.
Another bonus i’m hoping going out to work will help lift my depression 🙂 keeping busy and seeing the outside world.
I seem to be on a depressive high …. i’m feeling extremely happy which is really scary because i’m scared of the crash i’ll have on the come down. I shouldn’t be complaining about being so happy i suppose and should really be enjoying the feeling.
Life at the moment is really good.
We’re just waiting for a break in this very cold spell so we can get out into the garden. Hubbs and i plan to move the raised beds around that will eventually give us more planting space. I’ve made a start on a few seedlings, the leeks are doing brilliantly and after some research (via twitter friends) i know what to do next with them.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed but the forecast for the weekend is good and i’m hoping we’ll be able to spend sometime on the veggie plot 🙂 My sister and her family are coming to spend some time planting some seeds for their newly acquired allotment. (just so jealous 🙂 )
To try and heed off the mega mood crash i plan to keep busy…. gardening… sowing more seeds … dog walking ( Tinks been in season so we’ve been housebound but that’s over by the weekend) …. take some photos of everything we do in the garden and catch up on my group prompts…. lol might even fit in some house work 🙂
Sadly i’m still in a lot of pain with the trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder, off for some pyhsio this afternoon.
Because of the pain i’m struggling to get motivated with my plans to change my diet/exercise routines, actually i have very little motivation or inspiration to do anything much.
I’ve hardly picked up my camera this last month and only managed a few long dog walks although this last 2 weeks snow stopped us being able to get out.
Before christmas my dear hubby had said yes to taking my eldest and step son to a concert in Birmingham which would involve waiting there while they had fun, that happened this week. So after watching the weather reports very closely we took the drive in our little car, thankfully snow stayed away for the whole evening.
We’ve never been to Birmingham and were really surprised how big everything was, the buildings were so very tall and best of all the shopping centre was huge.
After making sure the boys were at the right venue we took a little walk around, grabbed something to eat then went back to the car to wait ……. surprisingly they were all finished by 10.30pm and got back to the car buzzing and very happy.
I’m slowly collecting new seeds to go in our vegetable plot but as yet i’ve held off sowing anything. Just collecting toilet roll tubes ready for sowing pea’s, bean’s, sweet corn and my favourite ( i know not vegetables either ) sweet pea’s. Because of this very cold spell and the covering of snow i’ve not even gone into the garden much although i did take a few photos as the snow has made it all look quite pretty.
My ‘girls’ have all had a check up at the vets and are all healthy apart from Misha who is perhaps a little over wieght. Watching them discover the snow in the back garden was like watching three puppies playing.
Hopefully in the very near future i’ll get into my new routines and this will include some more regular blogging.
Well sadly last week turned out to be a big flop when it came to me sticking to my healthy eating and new exercise plan, all due to an emotional melt down which started brewing sunday evening and hit its peak on thursday.
I suffer with depression and have done on and of for the last 15yrs sparked off i think with post natal depression then the relationship i was in became a very abusive and controlling relationship. Over that time i’ve been on and off medication, this last period has been over 3yrs OFF medication.
I’ve learnt to listen to myself and as soon as i start to feel low then to concentrate on being motivated and doing positive things. This episode has just caught me my surprise and hit me hard.
For some reason i’ve become obsessed with what people see and think of me, the biggest critic at the moment seems to be my step daughter. I became very upset last monday when she had a dental appointment and it was possible that my hubbs would not be able to take her. SD called hubbs several time worried about how she would get to her appointment despite being told they i would take her. Still after over 10yrs of helping clothe, feed and out of school care she still wants as little to do with me as possible, oh until it comes to birthdays and christmas of course. So that was monday ……
It just seem to build from there, my eldest son has moved college course last month and until next month he only attends college 1 day a week the rest of the time he’s sleeping in till noon getting up for lunch returning to his room by 2pm and doing very little. So when i returned on tuesday morning from a very muddy dog walk and wanted him to pass me the back door key, i’d called him once and all he did was shout ‘what?’ from his pit rather than coming to see what i wanted.
Then of course there has been so many minor issues such as the wet weather making walking the dogs so much more hard work, trying to juggle monies to put towards christmas presents the kids are expecting. So by wednesday i just went into melt down, something simple like dropping a fork i was drying and i became a crumpled soggy mess on the kitchen floor. Hubbs found me and gave me the hug i needed and i just bawled till i was dry. I was promptly sent to bed and slept solidly for 4hrs waking to feeling loads better.
So just for now to reduce some of the pressures a bit i’m going to take just one day at a time, not worry too much about what i’m eating but being careful at the same time. The area i live in is being battered a bit with stormy rainfalls so outside exercise is a bit hit and miss but will try to drag my wii fit out. I have an appointment booked to see GP next week so i’ll chat with him see what he thinks.
I will get back on track but for the moment just going 1 day at a time 🙂