Yesterday something very big in my life happened …. I became a very proud grandparent.
A great start to what I hope to be a very memorable year as it is also my 50th birthday in February, my darling hubbs is also 50 in May… my or I should say our plans are to live a bit this year. The children are all old enough to manage without us for a few days freeing us up to travel a bit.
This is hopefully going to be the first of many new blogs following my 50th year and our adventures and also the odd trial and tribulations of life. I’ll pop back in a few days to perhaps do an outline of our celebration plans for the year, just felt as the dogs had got me up at some stupid time before I had to go to work i’d make a start.
Not a greatly flattering photo but need to take a few more and download to new laptop…. but this is Ruby my very gorgeous granddaughter.
Well be back soon better go get ready for work 🙂
Have a lovely day and thank you for taking the time to read my blog …it will get better I promise 🙂
On the last day of 2013 for some reason I was really aware of the emotions I was feeling from the minute I got up in the morning I felt each emotion in order during the day
and finally comatosed
Allotment and vegetable garden are going well just need a few days off work to coincide with some dry weather so i can tidy both and put them to bed for the winter. On a plus i managed to get £45 worth of seeds with 2015 sell by dates for just £7.50 what a bargain 🙂 The weeds have been reduced by regular weeding but my biggest problem seems to be nasturtiums coming up every where.
still a bit of clearing to do
The vegetable garden still needs so much sorting, decided to reduce back down from 3 raised beds down to 2 and in the place of the 3rd a small patio area where i’ll have a little seating area and the washing line can sit.
Work is going really well, i’ve applied to do the Back to Practice Nursing course, this will enable me to re.register and practice and nurse. The home manager has been really good and says the company will support me in any way i need.
As a family we had a very traumatic time recently involving my eldest son, he has been left home a few months now and got very low after his long distance relationship hit some bad times and came to an end. This affected him badly, so much so he took an overdose, thankfully he woke up the next morning and attended a few appointments he had aswell as catching up with me. As the day went on his condition got worse so i took him into hospital where they did tests and gave him the antidote for what he’d taken. During this time it also came out that my son has been battling with his gender for many years and feels like he’s a girl in a boy’s body. After years of research he has decided to start his transition to become a transgender.
I instantly went into shock and over the last few weeks researching, chatting to others and my son i can accept his decision to become a female and will be as supportive as i possible can. From what we’ve read from the research its a very slow and long process of which our first port of call was our GP. Our GP has sadly never had to help a patient in this way before so we all went of to some yet more research into how we get the transition started.
The first brick wall that was hit was the clinic…… to get to be seen by a specialist you need to be referred by your local mental health team, we thought great they already know my son due to the counselling he’s been having after the overdose but as yet they have been unhappy to talk about anything other than his depression and anxiety. Looks like we might have to get GP to do another referral to them, but would be nice if he can do a referral straight to the clinic… our next appointment will be next week will know more then.
As for my son who after this blog will be referred to as my daughter Maya has spent a lot of time as his female self this past week and become more confident and i’d like to think a little happier.
As a mum of a mtf transgender i will be writing about our ups and downs in a separate blog, please ask for the link if you are interested in following or have any help or advice that might help in any way.
Well how things are changing in the last few months i’ve gone from being an ”at home mum” to working full-time night shifts then very recently transferred to-day shifts and even looking into a return to nursing course which will enable me to practise as a registered nurse again.
How do i feel about all this….. loving the job the care home is of very high standard and we are all developing a great friendship between us staff and with the residents. Physically i’m finding things a little hard going at times and get very tired aswell as the aches and pains of age i suppose. Mentally i’ve become so much more confident and can see a very clear future, not even considered reducing or stopping my antidepressants as i’m enjoying everything at the moment and don’t really want it spoilt.
Even though i’m working full-time its done in 3 shifts so i get some nice time off, which has enabled us to take on another ambition of ours and that’s having an allotment, we love it and so far with this gorgeous weather managing to spend every spare minute there. Its so peaceful which is very surprising as it hidden on a small site in the middle of a housing estate.
Sadly not everything is peachy … my eldest son has decided he really wants his own place and sort of put himself into the care system, it makes me sad that he feels like this but if it’s what he wants then i can only support him where and when i can. I think back now and i suppose i’ve been very lucky up until now not to have not needed much outside help. After leaving an abusive controlling ex (sons dad) then going into another relationship with step children we’ve got away quite lightly.
I do feel everything is good and will work out for the best for all of us, change can be difficult but soon becomes the norm 🙂
Just going to end this post here as i’m eager to do a separate post on updating my allotment 🙂
After nearly 15yrs of being a ‘at home mum’ it looks like i’m going back to work full-time. It all seems to be fate, the job is just perfect for me to go back to after so long. I’m going to be a care assistant in a brand new built care home run by a none profit-making charity called ‘the order of st john’, elderly care has come on leaps and bounds since i did my 3 month stint during my training.
I hope in time i can also re.instate my Registered General Nurse qualification too.
Its funny i’m very excited but quite nervous at the same time 🙂
Obviously its going to mean big changes in our family dynamic’s, i will expect my 2 sons to step up and help a little more around the house, seeing as they are nearly grown adults now i don’t think it will hurt them.
I will miss my hubbs terribly, i’m so used to being with him all the time and then of course theres my 3 ‘girls’ (cavalier king charles spaniels) they will miss me loads, but i promise to make it up to them all on my days off.
soaking up some sun
Another bonus i’m hoping going out to work will help lift my depression 🙂 keeping busy and seeing the outside world.
It all started on friday when i turned the very young age of 47, an age when i think i need to start living and ”just do it”. I’m never normally bothered by another birthday but this one has got to me a bit.
The actual day was brilliant i was totally spoilt by my hubbs who just kept making me smile all day.
Then on saturday my eldest got to meet his 2 half sisters and their children after weeks of reconnecting with his dad. My youngest was a little more nervous after not spending any time with his dad for nearly 5yrs eventually plucked up the courage to spend the last hour of their visit with them and i’ve heard he smiled 🙂
I’ve spent quite a few hours sat on my own, the ‘girls’ (my dogs) have been waking early for a visit to the garden, so whilst sat in the quiet i’ve had time to think …. very dangerous on occasions 🙂
Its time i sorted me and mine out we’ve plodded along for so long and its time to get out of the rut and start living. Theres so much i want to do that i’d like to achieve but i’d also like to encourage each member of my little family to start achieving too.
my tomatoe seedlings
So with the new growing season about to start i think its time we all grew and started living 🙂
Sadly i’m still in a lot of pain with the trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder, off for some pyhsio this afternoon.
Because of the pain i’m struggling to get motivated with my plans to change my diet/exercise routines, actually i have very little motivation or inspiration to do anything much.
I’ve hardly picked up my camera this last month and only managed a few long dog walks although this last 2 weeks snow stopped us being able to get out.
buses kept on going
Before christmas my dear hubby had said yes to taking my eldest and step son to a concert in Birmingham which would involve waiting there while they had fun, that happened this week. So after watching the weather reports very closely we took the drive in our little car, thankfully snow stayed away for the whole evening.
We’ve never been to Birmingham and were really surprised how big everything was, the buildings were so very tall and best of all the shopping centre was huge.
Birmingham Bull ring
Jelly Bean Bull
After making sure the boys were at the right venue we took a little walk around, grabbed something to eat then went back to the car to wait ……. surprisingly they were all finished by 10.30pm and got back to the car buzzing and very happy.
I’m slowly collecting new seeds to go in our vegetable plot but as yet i’ve held off sowing anything. Just collecting toilet roll tubes ready for sowing pea’s, bean’s, sweet corn and my favourite ( i know not vegetables either ) sweet pea’s. Because of this very cold spell and the covering of snow i’ve not even gone into the garden much although i did take a few photos as the snow has made it all look quite pretty.
snow snow every where
My ‘girls’ have all had a check up at the vets and are all healthy apart from Misha who is perhaps a little over wieght. Watching them discover the snow in the back garden was like watching three puppies playing.
Misha & Titch
Hopefully in the very near future i’ll get into my new routines and this will include some more regular blogging.