Well sadly last week turned out to be a big flop when it came to me sticking to my healthy eating and new exercise plan, all due to an emotional melt down which started brewing sunday evening and hit its peak on thursday.
I suffer with depression and have done on and of for the last 15yrs sparked off i think with post natal depression then the relationship i was in became a very abusive and controlling relationship. Over that time i’ve been on and off medication, this last period has been over 3yrs OFF medication.
I’ve learnt to listen to myself and as soon as i start to feel low then to concentrate on being motivated and doing positive things. This episode has just caught me my surprise and hit me hard.
For some reason i’ve become obsessed with what people see and think of me, the biggest critic at the moment seems to be my step daughter. I became very upset last monday when she had a dental appointment and it was possible that my hubbs would not be able to take her. SD called hubbs several time worried about how she would get to her appointment despite being told they i would take her. Still after over 10yrs of helping clothe, feed and out of school care she still wants as little to do with me as possible, oh until it comes to birthdays and christmas of course. So that was monday ……
It just seem to build from there, my eldest son has moved college course last month and until next month he only attends college 1 day a week the rest of the time he’s sleeping in till noon getting up for lunch returning to his room by 2pm and doing very little. So when i returned on tuesday morning from a very muddy dog walk and wanted him to pass me the back door key, i’d called him once and all he did was shout ‘what?’ from his pit rather than coming to see what i wanted.
Then of course there has been so many minor issues such as the wet weather making walking the dogs so much more hard work, trying to juggle monies to put towards christmas presents the kids are expecting. So by wednesday i just went into melt down, something simple like dropping a fork i was drying and i became a crumpled soggy mess on the kitchen floor. Hubbs found me and gave me the hug i needed and i just bawled till i was dry. I was promptly sent to bed and slept solidly for 4hrs waking to feeling loads better.
So just for now to reduce some of the pressures a bit i’m going to take just one day at a time, not worry too much about what i’m eating but being careful at the same time. The area i live in is being battered a bit with stormy rainfalls so outside exercise is a bit hit and miss but will try to drag my wii fit out. I have an appointment booked to see GP next week so i’ll chat with him see what he thinks.
I will get back on track but for the moment just going 1 day at a time 🙂