Being a mum · Being a step mum · Black days

Flop week….

Well sadly last week turned out to be a big flop when it came to me sticking to my healthy eating and new exercise plan, all due to an emotional melt down which started brewing sunday evening and hit its peak on thursday.

I  suffer with depression and have done on and of for the last 15yrs sparked off i think with post natal depression then the relationship i was in became a very abusive and controlling relationship. Over that time i’ve been on and off medication, this last period has been over 3yrs OFF medication.

I’ve learnt to listen to myself and as soon as i start to feel low then to concentrate on being motivated and doing positive things.  This episode has just caught me my surprise and hit me hard.

For some reason i’ve become obsessed  with what people see and think of me, the biggest critic at the moment seems to be my step daughter.  I became very upset last monday when she had a dental appointment and it was possible that my hubbs would not be able to take her.  SD called hubbs several time worried about how she would get to her appointment despite being told they i would take her.  Still after over 10yrs of helping clothe, feed and out of school care she still wants as little to do with me as possible, oh until it comes to birthdays and christmas of course.  So that was monday ……

It just seem to build from there, my eldest son has moved college course last month and until next month he only attends college 1 day a week the rest of the time he’s sleeping in till noon getting up for lunch returning to his room by 2pm and doing very little.  So when i returned on tuesday morning from a very muddy dog walk and wanted him to pass me the back door key, i’d called him once and all he did was shout ‘what?’ from his pit rather than coming to see what i wanted.

Then of course there has been so many minor issues such as the wet weather making walking the dogs so much more hard work, trying to juggle monies to put towards christmas presents the kids are expecting.  So by wednesday i just went into melt down, something simple like dropping a fork i was drying and i became a crumpled soggy mess on the kitchen floor.  Hubbs found me and gave me the hug i needed and i just bawled till i was dry.  I was promptly sent to bed and slept solidly for 4hrs waking to feeling loads better.

So just for now to reduce some of the pressures a bit i’m going to take just one day at a time, not worry too much about what i’m eating but being careful at the same time.  The area i live in is being battered a bit with stormy rainfalls so outside exercise is a bit hit and miss but will try to drag my wii fit out. I have an appointment booked to see GP next week so i’ll chat with him see what he thinks.

a walk in the park

I will get back on track but for the moment just going 1 day at a time 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Flop week….

  1. Teens/adolescents/early 20-somethings can (not always) but can sometimes be kind of a misery to live with. I haven’t studied that part of psychology specifically, but I have read somewhere that at that age people are very egocentric. They really have a hard time sympathising or empathising with anyone else. They tend to feel sorry for themselves and do a lot of complaining. As annoying as it is, it’s actually natural, and they do grow out of it eventually and become bearable to be around. But it sounds like your two are at that point. Bummer.

    I’ve lived with teens (not related). They made my life so hard that after being out running errands, I would return home and drive up the driveway and think to myself “Home Sweet Hell.” Yes, it was *that* bad. I’m not saying *they* were bad people; but very young people can sometimes have a hard time considering others (except maybe their friends of a similar age, for some reason). The best thing might be to try not to take it personally. They’re just like that. In ten years, they will both be completely transformed.

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  2. Ah teen angst. Try not to take it personally. I’m thankful I didn’t have the bad teen angst.I’m only 24 and I have next to zero patience for the teen angst. He’ll outgrow it. It’s going to get rockier before it gets better.

    I’m sorry you were swept up by your emotions. But, i still think your in a better state of mind… your are aware of what is happening and i think you got this without medication. If its needed, thats fine. But, from reading your blog i feel like you got a good head on your shoulders and when you set your mind on a plan you can see it through. Anything i can do to help?

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  3. ah yes, the lethal combination of teenage angst, Christmas finances and feeling invisible and unappreciated (closely related to the teen angst)… keep your head up. “this too shall pass” before you know it, the holidays will be past, the teens will still be unreasonable… 🙂 hope the fog lifts soon. *hugs*

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    1. 🙂 can feel it lifting already not planning to put myself under too many pressures at the moment but planning on some big changes in the new year 🙂

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