Black days

T.E.B …..

Oh wow …. Total Emotional Breakdown

That was quite unexpected, i know i haven’t been 100% happy in the last few weeks but monday the flood gates opened and i was close to hysterical, so lucky my hubbs was home to just hold me tight.

Time to come out ….

I’ve suffered from different levels of depression on and off for the last 15yrs, on and off medication during that time.   The causes are so many and i think were sparked off with postnatal depression followed by nearly 10yrs of mental torture from my EX  (other issues too)

What sparked this breakdown…..

Where do i start…

Christmas..

Finances..

Weight loss  (not happening)

Very low feelings of self image and worth

the list is endless and mounting….

I’ve an appointment to chat with my GP but it’s not for 2wks so i need to hold on until then and try to stop myself from sinking further into that very dark place i found myself on monday.  It’s along time since i felt that bad where i would have quiet happily slipped away into nothing, feeling nobody needed  me for anything, they would all survive without me some even be happy that i had gone.  Also feelings of not know where i was going in life what was the point of me being here… so many questions ??

Just typing this blog i feel the darkness lifting as though i’m on my way back up towards the light.  Yesterday hubbs sent me back to bed and i slept solid for 4hrs and woke feeling so much better.  Hopefully this is just a blip and i can make it out the other side without medication.

 

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8 thoughts on “T.E.B …..

  1. Dear Kim, I’m so sorry for how you are feeling. I’m glad that writing about it seemed to help. Journaling is very therapeutic. There are other people on WP who are struggling with exactly the same thoughts as you just expressed including depression and the other things. I found one today. If you’d like to communicate with others here on WP who are going through something similar, you can search for certain topics in your Reader.

    If you’d like to know about the woman that I found today, just let me know, and I’ll tell you her blog. It was quite desperate, poor woman. Otherwise you will find that I mention it down in the Footer area of my blog.

    I’m really glad that your husband is understanding and taking care of you. It’s such a shame that the holidays often trigger these kinds of feelings in a lot of people. Added to that finances – such a big issue these days – and struggling with self-image. That’s always such a hard one to deal with. They’re all hard.

    Sometimes we need to find a deeper meaning to life so that these other things – how we look, or how much money we have (don’t have) can seem slightly less important in the grand scheme of things …

    But as long as you’re in the midst of your depression, at least you can know that I have read this and I’m thinking of you.

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    1. Thank you xx I wasn’t sure if i should blog about it but it does help. Would love to read the blog you mentioned. As they say a problem shared is a problem halved but i’d hate to think i’ve burdened anyone.

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      1. It’s not a burden. We are taught from a really young age not to “bother” other people with our problems, but that’s wrong. We are also taught to feel uncomfortable *listening* to other’s problems. That’s also wrong. Imagine if we were taught that we are not supposed to have accidents or get sick so as not to be a burden to the poor doctors and surgeons. Injured emotions matter too. And it’s never a burden to me anyway because I’m studying to be a counsellor. If you like, here’s the blog for that other woman: http://onedayitwillbe.wordpress.com/

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  2. Oh dear Kim. It’s OKAY to not be okay. We all go through things and have struggles. Some more than others. I wish i could give you a hug! Whatever you wish to share with your blog, I will read it and if its just reading you want than I will do that , but if you also want input or advice myself and your followers I’m sure will be more than happy and willing. I am. Even if you keep a private paper journal, i find it helps to just unload and let your true inner feelings come out.

    Some things we can’t change. But, we can change how we handle and deal with them. I try my best to think of that when I feel down or challenged. If a situation is sucky, no use being upset about it… the situation already sucks and being upset wont help or make it better. I would acknowledge and feel my upset emotions and then brush them off and try to look at the situation with a different perspective and focus on something positive.

    I’m glad you have an appointment with a doctor and I too hope that appointment is unnecessary and you are able to work through things yourself.

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  3. I have been MIA for while, but am back online and am “catching up” so to speak with everyone’s blogs – so I’m sorry I’m behind in reading and responding. I hope you are in a better place now, but if not, please don’t beat yourself up. Life isn’t easy – but there are so many beautiful, albeit small moments to treasure. I look at your furbaby friday postings and know how much joy your furbabies obviously bring you. I am glad you are recognizing the symptoms and are seeking help. I’ve been there myself. One of the reasons I started blogging myself was to seek out and share with others – it is amazing community of people out here doing just that – reaching out to others. So glad you reached out!! Sending hugs and prayers your way!!!

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    1. Thank you for spending the time to leave a message. Its been 2wks since my melt down and i thought i was feeling better then went again yesterday. Luckily i kept my appointment with the GP and ohh he’s so nice we chatted for ages and probably put him behind but between us we felt ”happy pills’ would be needed and to go visit him again in the new year. So heres to more smiley faces than tears for christmas

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